Last year was certainly busy but looking back it seemed pretty uneventful in regards to Travis’ health.  Don’t get me wrong, I am more than thankful that he is defeating his tumor but I feel somewhat removed from the caregiver role.  I am not sure that I will ever “retire” from being a caregiver but Travis is significantly more independent than he was a couple of years ago.  He is now in school full time and is working full time.  He still lives with chronic pain in addition to other permanent adverse effects stemming from his tumors and the surgeries. However, over the last 12 months or so he has really learned how to manage his conditions in a way that allow him to live a more typical lifestyle. This does not meant that he does not have bad days; he still does from time to time.  But he has more good days than bad.

This year we went on our first major vacation as a couple. Hawaii.  I was nervous about going because I was worried he might not be able to participate in the physical activities that Hawaii is known for.  He ended enjoying the ocean and snorkeling so much that within a month after we returned home he became a certified open water scuba diver another month later he became a certified advanced open water scuba diver.

This July 13^th will mark the 4 year anniversary of Travis’ second (and last) surgery to remove his brain tumor.  I doubt that when he was laying in the hospital trying to recover from surgery that he ever expected that he would be well enough to be doing everything that he is doing now.

As I reflect on the last 6 years I realize that the old saying, “no news is good news” pretty much sums up why this website had been on hiatus.  I never thought that life could or would go back to normal for us but I was obviously wrong.  I hope that this post gives you strength and encouragement that things can get better.  Please do not ever hesitate to contact me regardless of the length of time in between my posts.  I receive inquiries and comments from many people with many different stories and I am always willing to listen and do my best to help.

Trina

The other day I stepped into an elevator and out of the corner of my eye I saw a woman rushing toward the elevator.  I pushed and held the “DOOR OPEN” button until the woman entered the elevator.  The woman smiled at me and thanked me for holding the elevator for her.  She mentioned that most people would not have held the elevator.  I told her that it is sometimes the little things that mean so much.  A minute or so later she stepped out of the elevator and then so did I.  We went on our own separate paths.  I did not know that lady and honestly I don’t even remember what she looks like. What has been stuck in my head is that holding the elevator for that lady was so simple but it made a positive impact in both her day and mine. 

I have seen and read about coffee shops where one customer “pays it forward” and buys the stranger behind them a cup of coffee.  The recipient of the free cup of coffee continues the act and before long hundreds of customers carry on this chain reaction.  Every time I see or hear about these types of stories I get goose bumps. 

Holding that elevator did not cost me a penny and I invested less than 30 seconds of my time.  Paying it forward with a cup of coffee is only a few dollars.  Normally the time, effort, and money that you put into a random act of kindness is so minute compared to the joy that you get out of it seeing the recipient’s reaction.

So please stop and think about giving this type of gift. Everyone has something to give.  Eye contact and a smile, holding open a door, allowing someone to go ahead of you in line, these are just a couple of ways to get the ball rolling.  Go ahead and try it!

I found a nice definition of a “random act of kindness” on Wikipedia.  Just reading it made me smile. Imagine what the world would be like if everyone performed one random act of kindness a day?

“A random act of kindness is a selfless act performed by a person or persons wishing to either assist or cheer up an individual or in some cases an animal. There will generally be no reason other than to make people smile, or be happier. Either spontaneous or planned in advance, random acts of kindness are encouraged by various communities.”

Much has changed in our lives over that last two years. Travis has retired from the Marine Corps. We moved out of our old apartment into the one that we are living in now. Travis had CyberKnife radiation. Victoria started middle school. We received AMAZING NEWS that Travis’ pesky Schwannoma tumor succumbed to Dr. Adler’s treatment. NO MORE TUMOR!!!! I started back at work and went back to college.

Travis accepted his dream job at Northrop Grumman. He entered through a wonderful program called Operation Impact. Since retiring from the Marine Corps. Travis has been seeing new doctors. He struggled through Methadone withdrawal and is now 100% METHADONE FREE. He has a prescription for Vicodin to use for breakthrough pain but he has not taken any since June 30th. He has come a long way from his daily doses of 3000mg of Neurontin and 10mg of Methadone.

Our offer was accepted on our first home. (We are in escrow right now.)

Travis came down with Diverticulitis and then suffered from a secondary infection as a result of the antibiotics given to him to treat the Diverticulitis.

So much has happened over the last two years.  Life sure has not been easy but things seem to be turning around.  We are learning to see the glass as half full rather than half empty.  I expect that we will continue to face hurdles but what I have learned is there is nothing that Travis and I cannot accomplish if we put our hearts into it.

So that was almost two years ago.  There has been many tough days and nights.   There has also been a lot of rewards.  That day really changed me.  I have built up a lot of strength and I am now able to do things that I never imagined I would be doing. For example, this is what I did yesterday:

• woke up
• baked cookies
• did laundry
• ironed my shirt
• took a shower and got ready
• went to the bank
• put gas in my car
• went to a second bank
• went grocery shopping
• stopped to by myself some flowers
• played tennis with Victoria
• took Victoria to the pool
• painted my nails
• went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to buy a few things I needed for dinner
• went to World Market to get some containers for Travis’s tea
• made cheese ravioli from scratch with Victoria

Now that is everything those are the main things that I remember but there are also little things that I accomplished as well.  My point of sharing a day in my life with is…”The Show Must Go On!”

That cliche came to me this morning when I was washing the dishes.  Sure I could have spent the last few years feeling sorry for myself, sad, and angry.  I do have those days.  There are plenty of days when I cry and when I am frustrated.  But I try my best to remind myself that I have to keep going.  Feeling sorry for myself 24/7 and not going to make my life any better.  So I have to find the strength for myself and my family and do my best to carry on. 

Reflecting over these last two years I realize how much I have changed.  I am not so materialistic because I realize that in times like these even a designer purse or a fancy car can’t bring long term happiness.  I cut back on drinking.  I RARELY ever drink anymore because I am the only driver in the family and I have the responsibility to take care of my family.  I have found my passion in life.  Helping people and health-care.  I have had an interest in health-care for years now but it was more a curiosity, rather than the desire to learn and help people.  I have started my classes again at school. I am highly motivated to finish college (my goal is to graduate college before Victoria graduates high school) and submerge myself in the medical field where I can touch the lives of needy families much the way that Travis’s flight surgeon touched ours.

I hope that others will also find the silver lining in the dark cloud may have parked over their family.  Rather than blaming a “part of life”, be productive and push yourself to the limit.

Anyway, I have got pretty attached to this website for a number of reasons.  It is about my husband and our life, it is my first website, I spend a lot of time thinking about the content that I want to put on it, I share my deepest feeling on it, and so on.  Okay so this morning I make it a priority to write an update for the website.  I wanted to share with everyone Travis’s progress.  So after I get up, get Tori off to school, empty the dishwasher, do some laundry, take a shower, and write the update I attempt to upload my newest post.  I type www.wonky-eye.com into the address bar on my web browser and my website is gone!!!!

All of the work that I put into the website had vanished.  I refreshed the page hoping that there was some sort of a glitch but that did not work.  I freaked out for a minute.  Then I asked myself what I should do.  The only thing that I could think of was to tell Travis.  To no surprise Travis saved the day.  He got on the phone with our webhost and they had a back up of my files.  While Travis was talking to the webhost figuring out whether or not they had my files backed up a lot ran through my mind.  At first I felt like this was devastating news.

Then I put it all into perspective, if my website was lost was it really the end of the world???  Not really.  Would I trade this website for Travis’s health?  Yes.  Would I give up this website in exchange for us not to be in a car accident? Yes. 

So really in the grand scheme of life it was not worth letting this occurrence ruin my day.  I am thankful for the things that are truly important to me and though I appreciate some of the other things that life has to offer I am not going to let these less significant have a severe negative effect on my life.

Obvioulsy if you are reading this Travis got my website back up.  We have taken extra precautionary measures in hopes that this won’t happen again.  But if it does, Life goes on.  I hope this story helps you to cope with some of your stress. 
 

Some days you would never know anything was wrong with him, especially if he was wearing his hat and glasses.  Then there are other days; days that usually start off in pain.  A day like this usually starts when he wakes up with a headache.  He will spend most of the day sleeping because the pain exhausts him.  Seeing him like this makes me sad.  I hate it when I cannot help to make him feel better. 

Travis is still wearing the Duragesic pain patch for his back pain and he takes his Neurontin daily but he normally does not use any other pain medication.  He has Vicodin, Oxycontin, and Motrin prescribed by doctors but as strong as they may seem they usually do not help with his headaches.  Sometimes he uses Excedrin Migraine and he seems to get better results from the Excedrin than the prescribed medications.

On Sunday it was Travis’s 11 year anniversary in the Marine Corps.  Victoria and I were so excited, probably more than he was.  We like to celebrate this day because we are very proud of his hard work, sacrifices, and dedication to our country.  We had planned to go out to dinner and miniature golfing (Travis’s request).  Victoria and I woke up early and made him cookies and breakfast.  Victoria also made him a special card.  But on Sunday Travis woke up and did not feel well.  He spent the day in bed so we had to cancel our plans.

Travis woke up Monday and felt better.  He was well enough to go with me to take Victoria to her tumbling class.  He woke up Tuesday and had another good day.  Now it is Wednesday and he woke up with a headache again.  I took Tori to school and I suggested he go back to sleep.  I am hoping that he will wake up a little later feeling better.  I have a lot to do today and I think that I will still be able to run my errands. 

Seeing Travis on days like this kind of get me down but what I tell myself is that the reason that he is in pain and is so tired is because his body is fighting so hard against the tumor.  I really hope this is the case.  I try and think positive about our situation.

“…cancer has been my guru…it’s my teacher and it teaches me everyday; the hard things and the beautiful things…everybody who loves me is affected by this…”

What she has said is exactly how I feel. I HATE the fact that Travis has a tumor. His tumor has changed so many lives. Instead of it ruining my life, I try and allow it to teach me to be a different person, a better person. It is hard to stay positive but it is also easier now to appreciate the little things. Learning to live with this tumor I have become a more caring person. My relationship with Travis has improved, I am a better mother, I am closer with my family, and I try and have more patience with strangers. You never know what someone is going through.

I don’t know if it is my “old age” or my new found appreciation for life but the smallest thing can make my day. Going on a walk with Travis and Tori or having a nice dinner with my family is something that I do not take for granted. Years ago I never would have thought twice about things like that, now I see quality time as a valuable gift.

Lastly, the lady on the documentary said, “everyone who loves me if affected by this” and that is the precise reason that I am creating this website. To share and give to with others so that they can see that they are not alone and that this did not happen to just “their” family.