Last year was certainly busy but looking back it seemed pretty uneventful in regards to Travis’ health.  Don’t get me wrong, I am more than thankful that he is defeating his tumor but I feel somewhat removed from the caregiver role.  I am not sure that I will ever “retire” from being a caregiver but Travis is significantly more independent than he was a couple of years ago.  He is now in school full time and is working full time.  He still lives with chronic pain in addition to other permanent adverse effects stemming from his tumors and the surgeries. However, over the last 12 months or so he has really learned how to manage his conditions in a way that allow him to live a more typical lifestyle. This does not meant that he does not have bad days; he still does from time to time.  But he has more good days than bad.

This year we went on our first major vacation as a couple. Hawaii.  I was nervous about going because I was worried he might not be able to participate in the physical activities that Hawaii is known for.  He ended enjoying the ocean and snorkeling so much that within a month after we returned home he became a certified open water scuba diver another month later he became a certified advanced open water scuba diver.

This July 13^th will mark the 4 year anniversary of Travis’ second (and last) surgery to remove his brain tumor.  I doubt that when he was laying in the hospital trying to recover from surgery that he ever expected that he would be well enough to be doing everything that he is doing now.

As I reflect on the last 6 years I realize that the old saying, “no news is good news” pretty much sums up why this website had been on hiatus.  I never thought that life could or would go back to normal for us but I was obviously wrong.  I hope that this post gives you strength and encouragement that things can get better.  Please do not ever hesitate to contact me regardless of the length of time in between my posts.  I receive inquiries and comments from many people with many different stories and I am always willing to listen and do my best to help.

Trina

The other day I stepped into an elevator and out of the corner of my eye I saw a woman rushing toward the elevator.  I pushed and held the “DOOR OPEN” button until the woman entered the elevator.  The woman smiled at me and thanked me for holding the elevator for her.  She mentioned that most people would not have held the elevator.  I told her that it is sometimes the little things that mean so much.  A minute or so later she stepped out of the elevator and then so did I.  We went on our own separate paths.  I did not know that lady and honestly I don’t even remember what she looks like. What has been stuck in my head is that holding the elevator for that lady was so simple but it made a positive impact in both her day and mine. 

I have seen and read about coffee shops where one customer “pays it forward” and buys the stranger behind them a cup of coffee.  The recipient of the free cup of coffee continues the act and before long hundreds of customers carry on this chain reaction.  Every time I see or hear about these types of stories I get goose bumps. 

Holding that elevator did not cost me a penny and I invested less than 30 seconds of my time.  Paying it forward with a cup of coffee is only a few dollars.  Normally the time, effort, and money that you put into a random act of kindness is so minute compared to the joy that you get out of it seeing the recipient’s reaction.

So please stop and think about giving this type of gift. Everyone has something to give.  Eye contact and a smile, holding open a door, allowing someone to go ahead of you in line, these are just a couple of ways to get the ball rolling.  Go ahead and try it!

I found a nice definition of a “random act of kindness” on Wikipedia.  Just reading it made me smile. Imagine what the world would be like if everyone performed one random act of kindness a day?

“A random act of kindness is a selfless act performed by a person or persons wishing to either assist or cheer up an individual or in some cases an animal. There will generally be no reason other than to make people smile, or be happier. Either spontaneous or planned in advance, random acts of kindness are encouraged by various communities.”

Much has changed in our lives over that last two years. Travis has retired from the Marine Corps. We moved out of our old apartment into the one that we are living in now. Travis had CyberKnife radiation. Victoria started middle school. We received AMAZING NEWS that Travis’ pesky Schwannoma tumor succumbed to Dr. Adler’s treatment. NO MORE TUMOR!!!! I started back at work and went back to college.

Travis accepted his dream job at Northrop Grumman. He entered through a wonderful program called Operation Impact. Since retiring from the Marine Corps. Travis has been seeing new doctors. He struggled through Methadone withdrawal and is now 100% METHADONE FREE. He has a prescription for Vicodin to use for breakthrough pain but he has not taken any since June 30th. He has come a long way from his daily doses of 3000mg of Neurontin and 10mg of Methadone.

Our offer was accepted on our first home. (We are in escrow right now.)

Travis came down with Diverticulitis and then suffered from a secondary infection as a result of the antibiotics given to him to treat the Diverticulitis.

So much has happened over the last two years.  Life sure has not been easy but things seem to be turning around.  We are learning to see the glass as half full rather than half empty.  I expect that we will continue to face hurdles but what I have learned is there is nothing that Travis and I cannot accomplish if we put our hearts into it.

Wednesday was day 1 of being Methadone free.  Travis was able to go golfing after his pain management appointment.  Although Travis was a little achy I think that there was still Methadone in his system from the days before.

Thursday was day 2, Travis stayed in bed most of the day.

Friday was day 3, Travis stayed in bed again.  His systems are cold chills, irritability, achnyness, loss of appetite, stomach upset, restless nights, insomnia just to name a few.  Travis did not feel like doing much of anything.  I pushed him to get up and take a shower.  He was not in the move to move but I thought that a long shower may make him feel better.  The shower actually gave him some relief and I think he stayed in the shower until the hot water ran out.

Saturday was day 4, Travis went sailing!  We were invited to join a good friend on her sailboat.  I mentioned it to Travis and he was eager to go.  I was not sure it was such a good idea but if he wanted to try it I was going to support him.  He took to Dramamine to prevent motion sickness as well as his morning dose of Vicodin and Neurontin.  The mix of the 3 medications knocked him out and he took a short nap while we were sailing.  Other than the nap he did pretty well on our 4 hour sailing trip but by the end of the trip he had reached his limit and was ready to go home.  We went home slept again and rested the remainder of the evening.

Sunday was day 5, was pretty much like day 2.  Travis was not feeling well and he stayed in bed most of the day.

Monday was day 6, Travis started the day off in bed and complained of the list of symptoms listed above.  I did some research and find some info online that recommended a cocktail of vitamins and supplements to take to help the detox process.  I made a list of the “ingredients” and we went off to the health food store.  We bought most of what was suggested and it put us back $40, well worth it if it was going to provider Travis some relief.    Once we got back to the store I encourage Travis to play the Wii.  I noticed that when he is up and moving around he seems to feel better than when he lays in bed.  He played Tiger Woods golf for over an hour and seemed to enjoy himself.  That night he started his first round of the supplements.  One that may have worked was the Melatonin.  Travis has complained that he has been unable to sleep.  I gave him the Melatonin and within 30 minutes he was sleeping.  Either his body had enough and he was going to sleep either way or the Melatonin worked.  Regardless, he got better nights sleep.

Tuesday was day 7, this was a great day.  (Travis woke up with the same list of symptoms.) Travis’ cell phone rang at 6:40am.  He did not answer the call; he let it go to voice mail.  I was in the shower and he came to tell me that the early morning call was a long awaited job offer.  Travis had been waiting on this offer for almost 2 months.  This was a nice way to start off the day.  I went to work and later on he called me and mentioned that he had an appointment with a college counselor.  I wanted him to go but I would not have been disappointed with him had he skipped it.  I would have been so easy to use his withdrawal as an excuse to miss the appointment but instead he gathered his strength, drove to the college, and made his appointment with the counselor.  I was so proud of him.  After the appointment he picked up our daughter from school.  Then he rested in bed the remainder of the evening.  He took the Melatonin (along with the rest of the supplements) and fell asleep shortly after.

So far what I have noticed is that although this is a painful process for him, getting out of bed and moving around helps him feels better.  Also making him laugh distracts him from his pain and discomfort.  Laughter is the best medicine!

Now that he is retired ( I have to catch you up with that on a later post) we decided it would be best for him to see a new pain management specialist. Travis decided to try Dr. Moon as he was recommended by our neighbor. Dr. Moon suggested that Travis start tapering off his Neurontin. This began on 5/9/09. Dr. Moon gave Travis some 300mg Neurontin so that he could start weaning himself down with a 600mg dose instead of a 1000mg dose. That was going very well and Travis seemed to tolerate the lesser dose. That was until Travis miscalculated how many Methadone he had left. On Travis’s 5/9/09 appointment he told Dr. Moon that he had enough Methadone to last until his follow up appointment on 5/20/09. Well Travis made an error counting the pills and he was short. So Travis cut his Methadone doses in half and went from taking 10mg daily to taking 5 mg daily. With the Methadone taper, Travis seemed to experience more irritability, stomach upset, and all over achiness.

On 5/20/09, I accompanied Travis to his appointment with Dr. Moon. At this appointment Dr. Moon prescribed 500mg Vicodin to use in place of his Methadone. He also suggested that Travis continue to taper off the Neurontin. He suggested that Travis be completely off the Neurontin by his next appointment which is in 4 weeks. Dr. Moon advised us that there will not be any Withdrawal from the Neurontin but the reason that Travis cannot stop “cold turkey” is because that could cause a seizure. So week by week Travis will be taking less Neurontin until he is completely off.

Travis is having a hard time with the Methadone Withdrawal. He was given the 500mg Vicodin to help him comfortably phase off. Our goal is to get Travis medication free by about 4 weeks from now. At that point Travis’s body will have an opportunity to feel what pain and discomfort is actually occurring naturally. Dr. Moon said that he has some patients who actually feel better off all medications. Once Travis is off all of his medications and Withdrawal free then we will explore other option of pain control.

Until then I will attempt to keep a brief daily diary of his medication consumption and the symptoms that he is feeling on that day. I believe doing this will help Dr. Moon see an accurate picture of what Travis’s has been dealing with and I also think the information will be useful for the website. I will try and update daily, here is what I have so far:

5/21/09
AM- Woke up with a stomach ache. Feels “groggy”, more tingly in face and chin.
1 Pepcid (7:00am)
600mg Neurontin (9:00am)
500mg Vicodin (9:00am)

MID-
600mg Neurontin
500mg Vicodin

PM- Sleepless night
600mg Neurontin
500mg Vicodin

Travis’s tumor is continuing to shrink.

Travis’s double vision is improving.

I got a GREAT job.

We just got back from a wonderful vacation thanks to Wounded Warriors Family Support.  Check out their website and don’t be shy to donate if you can.  http://www.woundedwarriorsfamilysupport.org/index.htm

I have a lot more to write about but I am really busy.  I just have been feeling guilty about not writting an update.

We will be traveling up to Stanford for a follow up appointment with Travis’s neurosurgeon, Dr. Adler. We have to stay over night for that appointment and luckily my sister offered to take time off from work to watch Tori. With so much else going on I have not really had time to think about what we might hear from Dr. Adler. Travis is getting an MRI when he is up there and I hope that we get good news. To be able to function I have been thinking positive. In my mind Travis is on his way to getting better and we are on our way to living a more “normal” life. I hope that we are told that the tumor has not grown.

I have been doing my best to keep up with school. I was really looking forward to starting classes again but I did not realize how hard it was going to be to fit them in our busy schedule. More than once I have wanted to quit the classes because I feel so overwhelmed. What keeps me on track is I remind myself of special people like Travis’ Flight Surgeon and a few other individuals who have really made a difference in this difficult time. I want to be able to give back someday and I want to be able to help out other people and other families the way that we have. When I remind myself of these goals and of my mentors I get the strength to continue with my schooling. I am nearing the end of my first semester back and I can’t wait to finish so that I can feel that accomplishment. This last weekend I took three quizzes, one exam, watched a foreign film, wrote a two page essay, and read my textbooks. I could not have found the time for this if I did not have the support of my family.

Today we had plans to go to base to get our orders for our trip to Stanford. After getting our orders we were going to go grocery shopping and then to the bank. Well as usual, things could not go as planned. While we were at Travis’s unit getting his orders Travis bent down to fix his shoe and he had a back spasm. He described it to be just as painful as the time that he was hospitalized initially for his back problem. We finished up our business with his unit and then Travis drove to Base Medical. Why was Travis driving and not me? Well he just started driving again, he was driving his car and it is stick shift and I can’t drive stick shift. So we were stuck. Anyway, we made it to Base Medical and he was seen by the doctors that we on duty today. They assessed the situation and gave him some pain medication and a shot so that he could be comfortable. We walked down to the pharmacy and waited to be called. We ended up sitting next to a nice man that struck up a conversation with Travis. He noticed that Travis was in pain and started asking questions. One thing lead to another both Travis and the man were sharing there horror stories from Balboa Hospital. This man suggested that we write to our Congressman and Senator about what happened and gave Travis a great pep talk about standing up for himself. The pep talk really touched Travis’s heart to know that a stranger took the time to listen to what Travis has been going through and that this man actually cared.

Also I should mention that today Travis got a call from a stranger. When I use the word stranger I intend no negative connotation. I use the word simply to imply a person that has no relationship to us, someone that has no obligation to us. And it overwhelming to us when a stranger opens up their heart to us. Back to what I was saying, a woman called him today from the Injured Marine Semper Fi Fund. She got our information from a case worker and called Travis to tell him how her organization could help him. Something this woman said really touched Travis’s heart and after he hung up the phone with her he was speechless. I hate that Travis has had these health conditions but considering the situation, nothing could compare to the way that we feel when we are approached by caring people. It really means a lot to us. Nothing can take away his tumor but caring people can certainly make living with it a lot better. The feeling these people give us also is a motivation and a reminder of how important it is to give back.

Click here to read stories of injured services member and how the Injured Marine Semper Fi Fund assisted the service members and their families.

Travis went upstairs and called his flight surgeon to let him know what had happened.  Tori and I stayed downstairs to clean up dinner.  Tori started to cry, she told me that she hates seeing Travis and pain and she is tired of him not feeling well.  I explained to her that I felt the same way but that Travis has fought through 2 major surgeries and that he can fight through this new obstacle.

I send Tori upstairs to change into comfortable clothes and suggest that she pack a backpack with a blanket and some things to keep her occupied.  I check on Travis who confirms with me that his flight surgeon wants him to go to the hospital.  I pack my backpack with one of my textbooks and a highlighter and a couple bottles of water.

We arrived at the hospital and went directly to the CT Scan area to meet Travis’s flight surgeon.  As always, seeing the flight surgeon brought me a sense of comfort and safety.  We spoke with his flight surgeon for a while and he told us to have the radiologist call him after the CT  Scan was complete.  The three of us waited patiently for about two hours before Travis was called for his turn.  Tori tried to get some rest while I studied for my class.

After the CT Scan we headed down to the emergency room.  We checked in and took a seat.  The ER was FILLED with people, mostly parents with ill babies.  Tori found a seat and again tried to get comfortable with her blanket.  The waiting room was bright and loud.  It took hours for Travis to be called for his turn.  When we checked in we gave a detailed description of Travis’s medical history and the new problem Travis was having but all the clerk would note was, “patient has headache on left side.”  We believe that this is the reason that we were left sitting for HOURS in the waiting room of the ER.

When Travis was finally called to go back we left Tori in the waiting room and followed the nurse to the bed.  We sat and waited for a few minutes and then was approached by a doctor who asked Travis, “how is your headache feeling?” We explained to the doctor that Travis did not have a “headache”.  We told him about Travis’s medical history and gave him a detailed description of what brought him to the ER.  The doctor advised us that Travis could not be helped in that area and that he would need to be moved to another area because of the seriousness of his condition. 

All the while, Tori was sitting alone in the ER waiting room.  It was now late at night and it was a school night.  So Travis gets put into a new bed in a new area of the ER.  Another doctor came in to see Travis and ask him what was going on.  Travis and I explained to him how Travis was feeling and the doctor advised us that he wanted to do a spinal tap.  We were not happy about this because twice before doctors had mentioned doing this painful procedure to Travis and then later decided that it was not needed.  So I talked to Travis about it and we decided that if the doctor wants to do it then we should probably let him.  Then I ran back to the waiting room to check on Tori and give her an update on Travis.  A lady at the reception desk advised me to limit my trips to check on her because the hospital does not like people going back and forth.  What was I really suppose to do?  We do not have a babysitter for Victoria and we were not comfortable leaving her home alone at night for who knows how long.  We did not want her going back to see Travis getting treated because it would have been too traumatic for her to see Travis and other patients being cared for.

So after I check on Tori and tell her that Travis is okay, I return to Travis.  This time another doctor is checking on him and asking him questions.  This doctor informs us that a spinal tap is not necessary (thank god) and that they wanted to do blood work on him.  A corpsman (military nurse) comes in and starts an IV on Travis and draws some blood.  Travis sits there for a while and I began feeling very uncomfortable leaving Tori alone in the waiting room so I return to the waiting room and tell Travis to call me on the cell phone if he needs me. 

When I return to the waiting room I see Tori sprawled out across three chairs (the chairs had arms) with her blanket over her face.  She somehow managed to fall asleep.  I sat next to her in the waiting room and stared at her and started thinking.

I am so proud of my daughter for the strength and maturity she has gained from this entire experience.  She has also learned about sacrifice.  I hate that she had to give up her gymnastics class that night. And I hate that she has had to give up so much because of Travis’s brain tumor.  The whole thing is really not fair to her.  But she has never complained about the sacrifices that she has had to make.  Rather, she is always concerned about Travis’s well being.  I love her so much and I hate that she had to learn these tough life lessons but I am proud of her for the ways that she has adapted and grown through these last two years.

And in case you are wondering what the outcome of the whole ER trip was…  We left the ER at about 3:00am, the diagnosis…TMJ.  They could not figure out what caused the pain or why it suddenly came on when Travis now bites down or sneezes so they said that all it was is TMJ.  Something the we already knew that he had.  So the entire 8 hours in the ER was pretty much a waste of time.  Luckily, Travis did not have the spinal tap done.

So that was almost two years ago.  There has been many tough days and nights.   There has also been a lot of rewards.  That day really changed me.  I have built up a lot of strength and I am now able to do things that I never imagined I would be doing. For example, this is what I did yesterday:

• woke up
• baked cookies
• did laundry
• ironed my shirt
• took a shower and got ready
• went to the bank
• put gas in my car
• went to a second bank
• went grocery shopping
• stopped to by myself some flowers
• played tennis with Victoria
• took Victoria to the pool
• painted my nails
• went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to buy a few things I needed for dinner
• went to World Market to get some containers for Travis’s tea
• made cheese ravioli from scratch with Victoria

Now that is everything those are the main things that I remember but there are also little things that I accomplished as well.  My point of sharing a day in my life with is…”The Show Must Go On!”

That cliche came to me this morning when I was washing the dishes.  Sure I could have spent the last few years feeling sorry for myself, sad, and angry.  I do have those days.  There are plenty of days when I cry and when I am frustrated.  But I try my best to remind myself that I have to keep going.  Feeling sorry for myself 24/7 and not going to make my life any better.  So I have to find the strength for myself and my family and do my best to carry on. 

Reflecting over these last two years I realize how much I have changed.  I am not so materialistic because I realize that in times like these even a designer purse or a fancy car can’t bring long term happiness.  I cut back on drinking.  I RARELY ever drink anymore because I am the only driver in the family and I have the responsibility to take care of my family.  I have found my passion in life.  Helping people and health-care.  I have had an interest in health-care for years now but it was more a curiosity, rather than the desire to learn and help people.  I have started my classes again at school. I am highly motivated to finish college (my goal is to graduate college before Victoria graduates high school) and submerge myself in the medical field where I can touch the lives of needy families much the way that Travis’s flight surgeon touched ours.

I hope that others will also find the silver lining in the dark cloud may have parked over their family.  Rather than blaming a “part of life”, be productive and push yourself to the limit.

I am thankful that he is getting better.  I was nervous that his eye would not correct itself again.  He beat the odds the first time after his initial surgery.  I thought that the chances of his eye beating the odds twice were slim to none.  Well I guess he is a lucky guy because his eye seems to be working hard to get back to normal.

Travis has also driven a couple more times.  He can’t drive by himself because he can’t see everything to the left of him.  As long as he has a “co-pilot” can drive pretty well.

Travis also mentioned the other day that the cold sensations that he used to get after he took his first sip of a drink are happening far less.  I think this means it is another area of healing.

All in all I could not ask for anything more.  Over the last two years our family has overcome more than I ever could have imagined.  So many steps of this journey have been a challenge.  So many times I could hardly get through the day.  Looking towards the next month or holiday seemed unreal.  It was hard enough just getting through the day.  A year and a half ago I could never have imagined that we could have got this far. 

We just celebrated Thanksgiving and there was so much that we were thankful for.  More holidays are approaching and Travis’s improving health is more than I could ask for.